tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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