I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
