And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
