hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
