Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
