Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
