I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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