I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
