I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
