Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
