You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
