I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
