you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
