First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
