im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
