8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
