So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
