My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
