If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
