Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
