i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
