I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
