I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
