I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
