so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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