Is it normal to miss your booty call?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
