I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
