Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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