I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
