i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
