Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
