i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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