Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm not a mortal combat character

(410): View more from Maryland

but my vagina is

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(516): View more from New York

Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.

Fav 14 1564 920
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(212): View more from New York

your tears are not going to buy me drinks...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes

Fav 3 943 1280
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.

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(563): View more from Iowa

What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me

(1-563): View more from Iowa

You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding

Fav 2 884 600
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(503): View more from Oregon

Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?

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(440): View more from Ohio

Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....

Fav 0 9 76
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