Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
