I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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