i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You need Xanax blowdarts
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
