Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
