i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
