So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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