this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
