I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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