he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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