we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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