Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
