Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
