The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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