i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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