She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
