Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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