you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
