Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
