I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
