tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
