remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
