I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
