I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize