Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
