i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
