I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
