I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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