I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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