hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
