She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need moral support for this bender
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
