You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
