You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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