You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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