now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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