Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
