FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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