at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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