Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
