I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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