I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
