shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
