I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
