I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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