...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize