Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
