if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
