Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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