I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
