Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
