is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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