im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
