hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize