You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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