he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
