Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
