You're completely useless in the revolution.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
