His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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