if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
