Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
