She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
