The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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