do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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