i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
