fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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