And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize