I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
