so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
