you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize