She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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