you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
